Friday, March 1, 2019

A Year Later,..

Where to begin?  Where have I been?  What's going on?

I guess I cannot truly answer any of those questions.  As this readership knows, I struggle with depression and thus have 'ups' and 'downs.'  My mental state is somewhat stabilizing by the Grace of God and the support of incredibly wonderful people.  My personality has always been both a strength and a curse.  My mother, since I was a child warned me,.. 'Ignorance is bliss..'   ... I guess I didn't listen.

I find myself counter cultural,..

I find myself staunchly Catholic,..

I find myself more self critical,..

I find myself questioning the Clergy,..

I find myself more pro 'Trump.'

I find myself trying to constantly challenge myself...

I find myself isolated,..

I find myself 'redpilled.'

I find myself loved. 

The one constant remains Jiu Jitsu,.. Jesus let me keep that and with every passing day, I realize why.

So much has changed since my seminary days.  I started 'Confessions' over ten years ago as an outlet, a way to express myself which was therapeutic.  At that time I was dating an awesome woman.  She has since moved on.  While working at my uncles's gym, I lost control of myself, (did I truly ever have any?), ..the single life, women, while being intellectually Catholic on Sundays.  (Kind of like a 'straight' Milo Yiannopoulos)  I then found another amazing woman, right before my decision to enter seminary,.. I left her to serve God,..  She moved on and though we both work in the funeral industry, I find myself happy yet asking many 'What if's?,..' 

God has since sent me a third amazing woman.  She supports and is aware of my weaknesses.  I pray that I don't break her heart.  

St Augustine,...... ora pro nobis.