St Jude,........................................................ora pro nobis!
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Upon much personal prayer, reflection and consultation with my Spiritual Director, it has become crystal clear that the character of Optimusmastro needs to cease so that Marco can truly be formed. Yes once again this will be one of those self critical examinations of myself that needs to be done.
When I rediscovered my Faith, I was infused with Grace but sadly, I didn’t know what to do with it or how to present it. The enemy however did! I was an angry young man. My Theology was pure head knowledge and my vision of God back then was almost as if He (God) was an accountant, tallying up my sins, and eager to send me to hell. By the Grace of God, my heart is starting to develop. When I travel back to my blog, to some vids, the way I used to present Jesus, I can hardly recognize that guy. I was at best, arrogant and at worst? Probably my own biggest fan. Simply put, my marketability was not centered on Christ, but upon my own ego driven narcissism. Truly amazing what two years of daily Holy Hour, daily Mass, weekly confession, daily Rosary and of course daily Breviery can do. Alongside an incredible Spiritual Director, …God has revealed things about myself, my temperament that need to be purified.
Optimusmastro was a cartoon, a simplistic ego driven amplification in a pro wrestling mindset. Instead of wrestling, I was beating people over the head with dogmas. The truth is that this character has been eclipsed for quite some time and doesn’t need to come back. What was the final straw? Well, when a young teenager asks you with all seriousness, ‘What does Jesus Save us from?’ Needless to say, fighting back tears was hard. Other issues from the past two years were working with Café Trottoir, (Feeding homeless, drug addicts, ) and realizing their proper humanity that they can love and be loved. Meeting the ‘Solitude Myriam’ and Danielle Bourgeois, a woman viewed as ultra Traditionalist, because she founded a community of divorced Catholics who seek to continue to live out their vows. All these are examples of mercy, an ongoing theme with Pope Francis.
I am a Catholic, a thomist thinker, that will not change. I love reverence in the Liturgy, and that will not change. However a few weeks back when the Pope referenced seminaries forming ‘little monsters,’ I recognized that a few years back, I was a potential ‘little monster.’ Make no mistake about it, there is a time and place for apologetics, but today's society doesn't know Christ, and if they have a vague idea of Jesus, He is spoken in the same light as the Easter bunny or Santa Claus. The danger is extremes. We cannot rely on a simplistic Marxist approach complete with a laboratory experiment liturgy and at the same time, we cannot present doctrine and morals to people who haven’t met the Risen Christ. (I had a conversation about the Hypostatic Union to an atheist.) St Paul is a perfect example of this, when he presents the Risen Christ to the Athenian people. The world today accepts all ideologies except Catholicism. Jesus is not presented to people, and often times the Gospel or mere mention of Christ can provoke a negative/violent reaction. In the face of all these issues, the urgent call to live the ‘Call to Holiness’ has to be applied to myself, before I can go out and present Jesus. So from here on out, some Carmelite Spirituality is gonna be added to my diet. To pray, fast and sanctify myself.
Sanctify yourself, I was told, then you will be able to preach and sanctify others. As for the blog? It will always continue, and I guess this is another step in the ongoing conversion. I will talk about Jesus, prayer, fitness, MMA and Jiu Jitsu. (Not to mention Transformers!)