Douchebag Invitation

So its 2018, and your new year’s resolution is to get into shape.  So you walk into a gym for the first time in a while.  You got all your gear at Walmart, ‘tap-out’ t-shirt, wide brimmed fitted hat, ridiculous attitude, tattoos up to the nostrils, the time you did train you gassed yourself up to the gills but forgot to take your anti-estrogen, thereby assuring that your pecs are probably man boobs by now but you don’t care, and to complement your illusion, the ‘bling.’  and oh yeah,. You’ve never fought.  The fights you had were gang up style beatdowns on lesser more timid people.  The coup de gras?,. You are probably a drug dealer, a wannabe slimeball with no ambition or work ethic, but you dream to live the so-called ‘gangzta’ lifestyle!  I get it, you’re in your twenties or thirties (the latter pathetic) and are searching for an identity!  Two problems though,.. You live your life financed by my tax money and,.. You’ve never come face to face with an ‘Alpha male’ so to speak. 

Allow me to introduce my program of ‘unf@#king.’  It’s usually a 10 week course, whereby you’ll train, (yes, legs too! 😉) learn and develop humility and hopefully leave as a better person offering a contribution to society.  Weights, Jiu Jitsu (any Martial Art for that matter) or perhaps the military could’ve helped you, but don’t worry,.. Its not too late,.. I’m here.  You see I detest your character, not you, (that would be unchristian of me.).  You live a lavish lifestyle based upon our socialist Canadian principals, ie,. You collect ‘pogey’ while you deal your dope for cash.  (BTW,. I am not against drugs, in fact, I would probably legalize them all, and slap a tax on them thereby cutting into the black market.  Obviously there would be an ‘age moratorium,’ but if you’ve made a free choice to snort powder, inject needles or whatever,.. Who am I to stop your free will?  BTW,. The reason I don’t take drugs, is the same reason I don’t drink Javel or Antifreeze either,. There is a warning sign with a skull and crossbones informing me of the consequences.)  From a Faith standpoint, you will also learn how to pray that Rosary you hang around your neck as an added bonus! 

So I invite you to enter a gym, maybe an MMA or Jiu Jitsu gym?  See that little 145lbs red headed accountant kid?,.. Spar with him and experience him kill you, several times.  Then will come the real test,.. Will you come back?  Now with a sore neck and joints, and an even more injured ego comes the reality of whether or not you will come back?  In my experience, the wannabe douchebag schmucks have a 1/3^rd ratio.  1/3^rd will stay, and slowly they will begin not using four letter words to describe a newborn kitten,.. They will begin saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ and they will begin respecting women.  By respect, it means being authentic and honest, gallant and chivalrous. 

To conclude, I hope that 2018 truly brings about a positive change in all of our lives!  

God bless!

Venting and Reflecting

Dude, what happened?,.. This phrase all too common.  My life altered on Jan 4^th, 2016.  I suffered a nervous breakdown and requested some time.  Well, all the time in the world was accorded me and I in turn returned to a world, a scary world that I didn’t recognize.  The year precedent, I was in an awesome parish, vibrant, and fully convinced of my ‘call’ to priesthood.(in certain respects, I remain as such),. Fate perhaps, decided another path.  You see, I remain a sinner.  Arrogant, narcissistic, emotionally impulsive and perhaps unstable.  Perhaps I’m too self-centered, another vice that I need to work on.  One thing that is my strength however,.. I am no pu$$,.. err,. Let’s say ‘pushover.’ I was raised a certain way, in a traditional home where my father was my father, not my buddy.  He kicked my ass when I deserved it, and mentored and taught me in all things...  You get my point? 😉

The Church, Holy Mother Church, Her arms symbolic in St Peter’s square, seem to symbolize accompanying everyone.  Both on the ‘right’ and ‘left’ of the spectrum.  I considered myself neither, and strangely was convinced that even Jesus would find political terminology in His Church a little absurd.  I made and owned my decision, to the point where I still remember that the woman I was dating picked me up from ‘signing up’ and we went to eat Chinese food at a local place.  I made a tough choice.  I trusted God, it hurt.  Well,. It seems that even though I had a good report from Parish, my grades were good, I collapsed.  I’m 40, not married, no kids and with elderly parents. I’m in ‘panic’ mode.  Perhaps it was the forced fed ‘Pastoral’ theology Quebecois nonsense? (notice how I didn’t capitalize it?),. I tend to think so. 

I am an integrated man, and my call to chastity remained rooted in a prayer life no doubt, but also a proper physical regimen.  In other words, I would ‘beat’ my body into submission through rigorous training along with avoiding any sugar ‘estrogen building’ foods.  There are tons of beautiful women in Parishes, and the man discerning celibacy must be aware of these dangers.,.. Now I’m gonna address the elephant in the room.  Has the priesthood become the bastion or safe haven for all the men seeking to escape the world?  The ones who were harassed in high school, couldn’t get a girl and couldn’t hold down a job?  Or I dare say were homosexual men?  I went there! (Let’s put our cards on the table,. When the so-called pedo scandals reveal that 90 % of the abuse was committed by men seeking post pubescent boys,.it’s a homo issue at its core!)   I wonder,..  

Now forced to recommence dating, to negotiate a world that I had left, to do so with priesthood on my heart,.. to not have clear answers… Its all tough.  I continue to work in a pastoral dimension, perhaps this is what God is asking of me?,. I teach and train people in Jiu Jitsu, (They in turn become my children,..).. Where am I going?  On God knows and time will tell… In the meantime, this message is to all the men who thought they were bullied by men who ‘look’ like me… I’m sorry high school was rough, and although I was never bullied, I was never a bully either.  Perhaps to you, I was an ‘invader’ in your world.  All I wanted to do was follow God’s Will for my life.  As for the ‘pastoral’ theology, the reason men like me don’t excel at this, is simply because we don’t ‘think’ like women.  Men, whether they be priests or fathers, are called to a Spiritual fatherhood of heroic virtue, not of candy cane or Hallmark card emotionalism.  I’m sorry I’m being rough with you, but for men who were bullied, know that it was you who became the ‘bullies’ for men like me.  My crimes, not being into ‘singing’ and ‘painting’ and whatever else.  I wanted to lay down my life completely for Christ, but I clearly was not part of your clique.  Please do not say that I’m a clericalist, or  Have you cleaned feces from a homeless person?  Have you hugged a former or current prison inmate struggling with depression?  You don’t know me, and perhaps because I don’t give off the ‘Pink Unicorn Social Justice ‘Jesus’ you want, you decided to squash me.  I wish you no ill will or harm, but I pray and hope that you will leave us alone, not undertake marketing endeavours or otherwise spend diocesan money without addressing again, the giant elephant in the room… The FSSP and other Traditional communities are growing, the mainstream Church is aging,.. Is it not time to face reality?  

I feel better having gotten this off my chest!

God bless. 

Marco,  **former** seminarian. 

Elephants and Discernment

Ohhhh the elephant in the room.  First off, I’d like to begin by saying that we are sinners.  We all need redemption and must trust in the Sacraments established by Christ through His saving Passion, Death and Resurrection to enable us to get to Heaven.  Through this journey and that journey, no doubt we have all met many great humble and holy priests, religious and lay people.  For myself?,. Well, I am and remain a work in progress with probably more issues that they could help me with,  then I could ever help them.  Why am I writing this post?  Well because like most of my posts, it falls into a category of reality and honesty.  People, God’s people ask questions,.. So perhaps we together can shed a little light on the matter?  Here goes!

Human formation, the most important part of Pastores Dabo Vobis by Pope John Paul II.  Sadly, it is my opinion that this part has either been neglected or not taken seriously.  Recently, the community in Montreal was faced with an issue of pedophilia.  Once again, the media will leap to attack the diocese, yet this time the media has gone silent in this regard, because the Diocese under a faithful Archbishop has done everything in its power to co-operate with this investigation.  The underlying issue remains, why so many ‘cases’ in the priesthood?  Perhaps, this prayerful opinion (that is all it is) can shed some light.  Guys like ‘me’ constantly would face this question; ‘You don’t look like a … ‘  or still my favorite when you tell them that you are considering the priesthood,.. ‘You serious?  Are you gay?’  Well,.. These are the questions of God’s people.

Priestly celibacy and chastity are always tricky issues.  I can only speak for myself.  I have had relationships, a few.  When I used to work out of a gym, I was much closer to Charlie Sheen than I could ever have been to Jesus.  Still, prayer (along with corporal mortification such as fasting) enabled Grace to abide in me enough to resist.  Let me be perfectly clear,.. Left to my own devices, I am sinful and there are lots of beautiful women.  My character is seductive, charming and I have never had a problem ‘articulating.’  All this adds up to a dangerous combination.  Still, perhaps Jesus can use these charisms for ‘good’ for His glory and not my own?  That being said, Prayer, along with a good exercise routine enables me to ‘expel’ energy.  Energy that a healthy man of my age would possess and need to expel.  Does this mean I don’t miss women?  To paraphrase Stone Cold Steve Austin,.. ‘Ohhh hell no!’  There are days when mother nature tag teams with concupiscence and will stretch me to my limit!  Those days,. I can either pray (the Rosary especially) or I can fall.   Our Lord chooses the Cross for us, we don’t choose it for ourselves.   My issue would be no different to that of a married man being faithful to one woman, when our fallen nature clearly has our compass pointing elsewhere, despite it having nothing to do with Love!  (To my married buddies, this is not license to have an adventure, read and reread what I said!,.. You are pretty much no different than a celibate if your living it properly!)  That means ‘prudence’ must be exercised!  The woman at work, that her beautiful eyes are the second thing you notice?  The one that looks like she converved herself in butter to fit into that dress?   Maybe its not such a good idea to meet up with her alone at her place,.. If you smell what the Rock is cookin,.. ? 

This ‘interior’ life means a constant focus on the Cross.  Christ and Christ crucified, which one is seeking to emulate.  The notion of discerning a reality FAR greater than yourself is consistently present.  Quiet time contemplating Jesus and knowing that He may choose you to work through.  In plain speak, you will be a victim like Jesus, and you will also in a certain sense be co-responsible for the salvation of those under your care.  To be a little more clear, you will go to hell before your people will because you will have to account for why they may be lost.  ‘Remember that with great power, comes great responsibility!’  (Uncle Ben to Peter Parker).  This prayer life is your gasoline and sustenance.  (BTW,.. If you don’t know who Uncle Ben or Peter Parker is, and you need to google it, then YOU need a serious course in pastoral reality reflecting people under the age of 50!)  Holy Mass and the Divine Office become vital.

The next step of the interior life of prayer, is a relationship with Mary.  Should God call you to Holy Orders, you have no woman in your life, as in no wife.  You most likely will have no children.  You need a feminine to relate to.  Mary becomes a recourse to celibacy and chastity.  From this prayer life, we grow our virtues, and let God to transform us.  The minute we think we got ‘under control’ He will let us slip up and fall! 

The second issue, again, in my opinion is that the seminary could be construed as the ‘safe space’ for all the awkward dudes trying to hide from the world.  Either they were/are completely introspective, homosexual, perhaps they couldn’t hold either a job or a girl?,. Who knows but they may have seen the seminary as a great hiding place,.. Well your issues will come back up to bite you in the ass if you don’t deal with them.  Its that simple!  The ‘asterix’ with regards to this issue, is that often times the clergy can be made up of such people, people who don’t function and thus they will weed out the regular guys discerning or simply seeking to live out God’s Call to Holiness.   On the other hand though, is that Jesus’s disciples were all made up of regular ‘f#@k ups!’  Read or pray the Gospels!,.. Peter, (Our first Pope) remains a very **ahem** regular dude shall we say?

The stakes have changed.  Gone are the days when seminaries accepted the kid right out of high school, formed and taught him.  The guys arriving these days are guys with experience.  Men who have been with women and have held jobs.  Some of them are even fathers.   Perhaps this needs to be taken into account?  The awkward guys, if your vocation is real, trust in God but don’t play a game.  To the gay guys, pray about what you are doing, this isn’t your personal club med. (Although sadly in many areas of the Church it has become one).   Most people, have a hard time calling ‘pedophilia’ the majority of the crimes, simply because the OVERWHELMING majority of the victims are post pubescent boys.  Please pray and think about what you guys are doing.  Myself?  I could never become a chaplain at strip club with women dancing.  Human nature is weak, and I would fall.  Use and apply the same principles.  To the gay dudes,.. You guys,.. I love you but you are called to the same celibacy and chastity as the rest of us!  Please respect that.  

To conclude, as I reflect prayerfully upon these issues, the key to the vocation of any Christian is to love.  To love all of God’s children, as if they were are own.  The priest, like a good spiritual dad must be ready to wipe away tears, to admonish, to protect, to counsel, to discern all the while offering the Sacrifice of the Son to the Father.  For myself, constantly discerning,.. I remain a ‘work in progress…’

Our Lady of Fatima,  ………………………………..ora pro nobis!