Elephants and Discernment

Ohhhh the elephant in the room.  First off, I’d like to begin by saying that we are sinners.  We all need redemption and must trust in the Sacraments established by Christ through His saving Passion, Death and Resurrection to enable us to get to Heaven.  Through this journey and that journey, no doubt we have all met many great humble and holy priests, religious and lay people.  For myself?,. Well, I am and remain a work in progress with probably more issues that they could help me with,  then I could ever help them.  Why am I writing this post?  Well because like most of my posts, it falls into a category of reality and honesty.  People, God’s people ask questions,.. So perhaps we together can shed a little light on the matter?  Here goes!

Human formation, the most important part of Pastores Dabo Vobis by Pope John Paul II.  Sadly, it is my opinion that this part has either been neglected or not taken seriously.  Recently, the community in Montreal was faced with an issue of pedophilia.  Once again, the media will leap to attack the diocese, yet this time the media has gone silent in this regard, because the Diocese under a faithful Archbishop has done everything in its power to co-operate with this investigation.  The underlying issue remains, why so many ‘cases’ in the priesthood?  Perhaps, this prayerful opinion (that is all it is) can shed some light.  Guys like ‘me’ constantly would face this question; ‘You don’t look like a … ‘  or still my favorite when you tell them that you are considering the priesthood,.. ‘You serious?  Are you gay?’  Well,.. These are the questions of God’s people.

Priestly celibacy and chastity are always tricky issues.  I can only speak for myself.  I have had relationships, a few.  When I used to work out of a gym, I was much closer to Charlie Sheen than I could ever have been to Jesus.  Still, prayer (along with corporal mortification such as fasting) enabled Grace to abide in me enough to resist.  Let me be perfectly clear,.. Left to my own devices, I am sinful and there are lots of beautiful women.  My character is seductive, charming and I have never had a problem ‘articulating.’  All this adds up to a dangerous combination.  Still, perhaps Jesus can use these charisms for ‘good’ for His glory and not my own?  That being said, Prayer, along with a good exercise routine enables me to ‘expel’ energy.  Energy that a healthy man of my age would possess and need to expel.  Does this mean I don’t miss women?  To paraphrase Stone Cold Steve Austin,.. ‘Ohhh hell no!’  There are days when mother nature tag teams with concupiscence and will stretch me to my limit!  Those days,. I can either pray (the Rosary especially) or I can fall.   Our Lord chooses the Cross for us, we don’t choose it for ourselves.   My issue would be no different to that of a married man being faithful to one woman, when our fallen nature clearly has our compass pointing elsewhere, despite it having nothing to do with Love!  (To my married buddies, this is not license to have an adventure, read and reread what I said!,.. You are pretty much no different than a celibate if your living it properly!)  That means ‘prudence’ must be exercised!  The woman at work, that her beautiful eyes are the second thing you notice?  The one that looks like she converved herself in butter to fit into that dress?   Maybe its not such a good idea to meet up with her alone at her place,.. If you smell what the Rock is cookin,.. ? 

This ‘interior’ life means a constant focus on the Cross.  Christ and Christ crucified, which one is seeking to emulate.  The notion of discerning a reality FAR greater than yourself is consistently present.  Quiet time contemplating Jesus and knowing that He may choose you to work through.  In plain speak, you will be a victim like Jesus, and you will also in a certain sense be co-responsible for the salvation of those under your care.  To be a little more clear, you will go to hell before your people will because you will have to account for why they may be lost.  ‘Remember that with great power, comes great responsibility!’  (Uncle Ben to Peter Parker).  This prayer life is your gasoline and sustenance.  (BTW,.. If you don’t know who Uncle Ben or Peter Parker is, and you need to google it, then YOU need a serious course in pastoral reality reflecting people under the age of 50!)  Holy Mass and the Divine Office become vital.

The next step of the interior life of prayer, is a relationship with Mary.  Should God call you to Holy Orders, you have no woman in your life, as in no wife.  You most likely will have no children.  You need a feminine to relate to.  Mary becomes a recourse to celibacy and chastity.  From this prayer life, we grow our virtues, and let God to transform us.  The minute we think we got ‘under control’ He will let us slip up and fall! 

The second issue, again, in my opinion is that the seminary could be construed as the ‘safe space’ for all the awkward dudes trying to hide from the world.  Either they were/are completely introspective, homosexual, perhaps they couldn’t hold either a job or a girl?,. Who knows but they may have seen the seminary as a great hiding place,.. Well your issues will come back up to bite you in the ass if you don’t deal with them.  Its that simple!  The ‘asterix’ with regards to this issue, is that often times the clergy can be made up of such people, people who don’t function and thus they will weed out the regular guys discerning or simply seeking to live out God’s Call to Holiness.   On the other hand though, is that Jesus’s disciples were all made up of regular ‘f#@k ups!’  Read or pray the Gospels!,.. Peter, (Our first Pope) remains a very **ahem** regular dude shall we say?

The stakes have changed.  Gone are the days when seminaries accepted the kid right out of high school, formed and taught him.  The guys arriving these days are guys with experience.  Men who have been with women and have held jobs.  Some of them are even fathers.   Perhaps this needs to be taken into account?  The awkward guys, if your vocation is real, trust in God but don’t play a game.  To the gay guys, pray about what you are doing, this isn’t your personal club med. (Although sadly in many areas of the Church it has become one).   Most people, have a hard time calling ‘pedophilia’ the majority of the crimes, simply because the OVERWHELMING majority of the victims are post pubescent boys.  Please pray and think about what you guys are doing.  Myself?  I could never become a chaplain at strip club with women dancing.  Human nature is weak, and I would fall.  Use and apply the same principles.  To the gay dudes,.. You guys,.. I love you but you are called to the same celibacy and chastity as the rest of us!  Please respect that.  

To conclude, as I reflect prayerfully upon these issues, the key to the vocation of any Christian is to love.  To love all of God’s children, as if they were are own.  The priest, like a good spiritual dad must be ready to wipe away tears, to admonish, to protect, to counsel, to discern all the while offering the Sacrifice of the Son to the Father.  For myself, constantly discerning,.. I remain a ‘work in progress…’

Our Lady of Fatima,  ………………………………..ora pro nobis!

Discernment, Bigfoots, Aquariums and Sausage making!

The beauty of this post is that essentially the title should read in the same light as John Steinbeck's 'Of Mice and Men.'  Perhaps a little levity and an update to where I'm at in life.  My formation continues but solely on an intellectual level for the moment.  I'm still on my year of 'reflection' with every intention of becoming a priest becoming more apparent.  My stress level is diminishing and all because my prayerlife and my human formation are becoming one and integrated! 

For those of you that have followed or read me, you will know that for certain people, I would not be considered a seminarian type o'guy!  I've lived, worked and had girlfriends, even discerning marriage, but at the same time I've always had a child's curiosity and imagination.  The original name of this blog, 'Confessions of a Thirty-Something Cybertronian' was a wink to my interest in Transformers.  My ability to interact with Parishioners came from two things.  The first was a Holy Hour in front of the Blessed Sacrament, which culminated in this prayer,. 'Lord love these people through me!' The second, was to be real and authentic, and young men, especially the teenagers,.. Well they can smell bullsh%$ a mile away.  In my case I believe they knew I was a father figure to them and wouldn't judge.  My love of wrestling and Transformers, Sasquatches and whatever nonsense assured that!  Our Lord has a sense of humor, and all those things were put to good use by Him!  At the same time, what I learned from the community was triple fold!  Discerning a call to priesthood means you are there for every important moment of a person's life and what you say may impact them potentially spiritually, meaning Heaven or Hell at the point of death, theirs as well as yours!  My point is that God has given me a clear vision with regards to a capacity for coaching and forming.  It makes sense since I'm an ex-personal trainer. 

Its tough when you are not understood.  Maybe you are, but are are among those who can't get you?  My weakness is definitely pride, ego, emotional instability and narcissism.  Jiu-Jitsu is helping especially in the pride humility department!  (IT SHOULD BE MANDATORY FOR ANYONE DISCERNING A VOCATION!)  You learn to tap and tap fast, especially to the 10yrs younger than you dude, who you used to 'dominate' 10 months ago!  Working at the cemetery has always been and continues to be an incredible source of Grace.  Crawling into people's lives with one mission,.. To remind them that God loves them! 

For now, I continue my studies.  I continue with a Spiritual Director, and I continue being me.  I've signed up for a Sasquatch expedition, and am now learning how to make sausages!  I haven't begun, but rest assured that I will post them on my youtube channel and make some fun crazy recipes!  Think of Kramer and Newman from Seinfeld!  At times though, it has been tough, but I am confident that Jesus is purifying me while not robbing me of my identity.  Be serious when it is time and laugh always like a big kid!  As I write this, I will be shopping for an aquarium for my Godson,..  I will also choose his fish!!!!  Managueses, Flowerhorns and Cichlids Oh my!  Piranhas and arowanas,.. All kinds of 'fun' fish!!!!!

St Giovanni Bosco (Don Bosco),..   ora pro nobis!

Blogosphere debate,...

Time to weigh in on what is (in my opinion), a high end pissing contest between Catholics in/on the blogosphere.  Three questions that I, the man beast Optimusmastro will address are 1.  Does hell exist?  2.  Do people ‘go there?’  and 3.  Can we reasonably hope that hell is empty?  Before I answer, let me give the pretext that I, and most men with testosterone were force fed during the ‘Cabbage Patch Jesus era’ that we grew up with!  Remember going to a funeral where Fr ‘Nice’ complete with a colourful stole (no chasuble!  Too Roman!!! ) with pictures of butterflies and other crap on it, delivered his sugary coated ‘homily’ of our loved one who died, in Heaven cheerfully feeding squirrels and singing with Mary Poppins…   Then freely accepting money to offer Masses for him!  I mean, why Fr McFruitloop?  He’s in Heaven, he doesn’t need prayers.  It wasn’t a funeral Mass, it was a canonization!  (Even though he died suddenly in a car crash, while coming back from a drug deal..) A little harsh?  It needs to be.

The purpose of priesthood, the meat and potatoes is to shepherd souls, that God entrusts to them.  As seminarians, we are training to prepare for that reality.  Priests sherpherd by assisting the local Bishop to administer the Sacraments of Christ, Offer Holy Mass, preach the Word, and lead people to Jesus.  It is Jesus who Saves!  However, when the above scenario takes place, (it used to regularly throughout the 1970s and 80s..) We should stop and ask the priest point blank;  ‘What does Jesus save us from?’  Think about it,.. If universal Salvation is the norm, then why would we need the Mass?  Morals?  What kind of sicko psychologically unbalance freak would give up sex for nothing?  Who cares!  That generation turned the Christ of the Gospels, Our Ressurected Lord, into a bubblegum pink unicorn who wants to hug you.  (Unless you pollute,..don’t ever pollute or question pollution and global warming climate change.)….

My friends, the battle is real, Salvation is at stake.  Jesus calls men to be priests.  To offer Sacrifice, the one Sacrifice, Calvary made present in our time and space.   OF Mass, EF Mass, Maronite, Anglican Ordinariate, Eastern Divine Liturgy,…ALL have the Sacrifice!  Why?  Because Heaven and hell are at stake!

One player, (We will call him the Intellectual Thomist) while doing a video, states that we can have a reasonable hope that hell is empty.  This notion, often attributed to Hans Urs Von Balthasar, can be mis-interpreted to mean Universal Salvation.  The reality is, that no…(despite the fact that it could lead someone to believe that,especially in this day and age.  The anecdote regarding Fr McFruitloop’s canonization/funeral was/is a reality that far too many of us experience.  That being said, it is true that many Saints and Mystics have been shown visions of hell and yes, there are souls there.  The question of ‘hope’ though seems absent.  To ‘hope’ is an entirely different story. 

The second player, (Magic Hair Man) responds with videos criticising the content of the former (Intellectual Thomist) saying that ‘Hoping’ that hell is empty is unreasonable.  Again, in context, this goes back to the post Council insanity, and Fr McFruitloop’s canonization.  From a pastoral perspective, what would magic hair man say to a mother who lost her son?  Perhaps the son didn’t live a holy life?  We cannot pronounce the soul in hell, but we can recourse to God’s mercy.  This won’t change the reality of the soul in question, as at the moment of death, judgement is pronounced.  It will however give recourse and comfort to the loved ones. 

I believe that this issue if one of competing extremes, and I can easily sympathize with both points of view.   Does hell exist?  Yes, Jesus spoke of it.  Do people go there?  Yes, as a consequence of free will, God accepts the choice of those who do not follow His commandments.  Can we reasonably hope that hell is empty?  Hope?  Yes, we must hope!  Reasonably,…ughhh,.. sorry.  Although God is merciful, I highly doubt that it is empty.  (Not to pronounce judgement.)

My friends, we need to be united… EF, OF whatever, be Faithful to Christ and His Church, then let the chips fall where they may.   I am reminded of the prayer to Our Mother of Perpetual Help,..

Our Lady of Perpetual Help,…………………………….ora pro nobis!

The Final Broadcast of Optimusmastro,(Before Seminary..)

After this,..I enter the Seminary and turn into Hot Rodimastro.  Optimus Prime was always the calm, cool, and collected leader,..myself I'm a hot headed guy just trying to do God will in the world. See the parallel,...I 'll be like Hot Rod,..and maybe in a few years Rodimus.  Just joking,..my way of saying that its time for Optimusmastro to enter the desert.   In this video, I ask for prayers,..and basically let everyone know there will be guest bloggers on 'Confessions,'  Some people you know,..some you might not know,.. All you will get to love. 

Pope St Pius X,......................Ora pro nobis!