Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Douchebag Invitation

So its 2018, and your new year’s resolution is to get into shape.  So you walk into a gym for the first time in a while.  You got all your gear at Walmart, ‘tap-out’ t-shirt, wide brimmed fitted hat, ridiculous attitude, tattoos up to the nostrils, the time you did train you gassed yourself up to the gills but forgot to take your anti-estrogen, thereby assuring that your pecs are probably man boobs by now but you don’t care, and to complement your illusion, the ‘bling.’  and oh yeah,. You’ve never fought.  The fights you had were gang up style beatdowns on lesser more timid people.  The coup de gras?,. You are probably a drug dealer, a wannabe slimeball with no ambition or work ethic, but you dream to live the so-called ‘gangzta’ lifestyle!  I get it, you’re in your twenties or thirties (the latter pathetic) and are searching for an identity!  Two problems though,.. You live your life financed by my tax money and,.. You’ve never come face to face with an ‘Alpha male’ so to speak. 

Allow me to introduce my program of ‘unf@#king.’  It’s usually a 10 week course, whereby you’ll train, (yes, legs too! 😉) learn and develop humility and hopefully leave as a better person offering a contribution to society.  Weights, Jiu Jitsu (any Martial Art for that matter) or perhaps the military could’ve helped you, but don’t worry,.. Its not too late,.. I’m here.  You see I detest your character, not you, (that would be unchristian of me.).  You live a lavish lifestyle based upon our socialist Canadian principals, ie,. You collect ‘pogey’ while you deal your dope for cash.  (BTW,. I am not against drugs, in fact, I would probably legalize them all, and slap a tax on them thereby cutting into the black market.  Obviously there would be an ‘age moratorium,’ but if you’ve made a free choice to snort powder, inject needles or whatever,.. Who am I to stop your free will?  BTW,. The reason I don’t take drugs, is the same reason I don’t drink Javel or Antifreeze either,. There is a warning sign with a skull and crossbones informing me of the consequences.)  From a Faith standpoint, you will also learn how to pray that Rosary you hang around your neck as an added bonus! 

So I invite you to enter a gym, maybe an MMA or Jiu Jitsu gym?  See that little 145lbs red headed accountant kid?,.. Spar with him and experience him kill you, several times.  Then will come the real test,.. Will you come back?  Now with a sore neck and joints, and an even more injured ego comes the reality of whether or not you will come back?  In my experience, the wannabe douchebag schmucks have a 1/3rd ratio.  1/3rd will stay, and slowly they will begin not using four letter words to describe a newborn kitten,.. They will begin saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ and they will begin respecting women.  By respect, it means being authentic and honest, gallant and chivalrous. 

To conclude, I hope that 2018 truly brings about a positive change in all of our lives!  

God bless!

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