There are times when you
need to go to that place. The place,
where only God can judge you and you remain free,. Free to be who God created
you to be,.. You, Yourself, The ‘I’ that God intended for your identity. At death, it will be you before God in
judgement, no one else and despite certain sinfulness, failings and perhaps
unachieved goals, you will always remain,.. well,. YOU.
Clearly the ‘You’ I speak
of is ‘Me.’ It is 2017, and I remain
still on the ‘outside’ looking in with regards to a potential vocation. As I have previously mentioned, God reminds
me constantly, that I remain a ‘work in progress’ so to speak. (I guess we are all a ‘work’ in
progress?) The cemetery, Notre Dame de
la Rue, and Jiu Jitsu, all keeping me somewhat sane. I do, however have some strengths, in that I
believe it is easier for me to relate to regular folks in general. These strengths can also become weaknesses,
perhaps leading me to be too narcissistic, arrogant and ‘worldly,’ and not
grafted unto Our Lord. I’ve been told I
come off as ‘paternal’ as to some that is a good thing, while for others, it
can expose their own lack of discipline /drive.
I have said this before, I remain a heterosexual man battling temptation
on a daily basis. I tend to ‘think’
deductively, and am not known for my appreciation of museums or the
theatre. While I remain open to these cultural
expressions, I must admit that I can feel loneliness as the ‘oddball’ among
others. The cure is to increase my
dopamine levels through working out(physical training) which presents an
excellent compliment to my prayer life.
I remain a man, and yes,.. an Alpha Male. I was raised that way, I can’t change my
personality, all I can do is continuously ask Our Lord to purify it instead.
What do I mean? Well,.. Here goes. Too often, the people of God notice that some
of the clergy are a little effeminate.
To elaborate, that an unusually high number of priests seem to be ‘out there’
when it comes to decorating, flowers, and vestments. The Pope alluded to it as well. I not singling out men who celebrate the
Extraordinary Form, (In fact I would argue that they come off as more
masculine) but I am singling out priests who seem preoccupied by certain
Liturgical ‘fashions’ while forgetting that this stuff is an extension of an
interior Faith and must not be simply for show.
Firstly, I do believe
that a Roman collar or a soutane(cassock) should be worn by a priest when he is
in public exercising a ministry. Whether
its on a hospital visit or teaching a class, depending the situation. I don’t believe he needs the collar when at
the gym weight lifting. I do believe
that it is a beautiful ‘visible’ sign. Clothing
and signs should not be used to acquire respect, and while yes, in Quebec,
there was a time when the soutane elicited a negative reaction, there is now a
certain courage for those priests who wear the collar or soutane in
public. Some are scorned, but most are
respected. As long as the outward sign
reflects an interior reality, there is nothing wrong with it.
Secondly,. (This one is a
humdinger!) I will speak plainly and pastorally. While yes, there are a disproportionate
number of homosexual priests, we shouldn’t categorize all to be like that. Myself, I grew up with a gay friend. I have never persecuted gay people. While I fully support the teachings of the
Church, I have never once been a bully or mean to anyone different. In fact those who know me, know this about
me. I have always been able to separate
the person from whatever he or she is going through. The Church’s teaching is clear along with it
being anchored in Natural Law. The worst
kept secret, is that the priesthood in some circles became a ‘haven’ for gay
men ashamed to come out to their families and friends. Well, society has changed. The clergy however should not persecute or
isolate those men discerning priesthood who are ‘alpha’ males, especially if we
are to be open to everybody!
To conclude, I don’t
pretend to know any answers to these issues,. However I will work with people
authentically trying to search for some.
Life is complex,.. To further my point, the John Paul II video ‘Fishers
of Men’ was what my idea of the priesthood was before going to seminary,.. Now
that I’ve graduated, let’s just say that I understand why most men who practise
ultimately end up with FSSP run parishes,.. It isn’t the lace, it’s the
challenge and the attitude. Until next time,.. I remain a sinner, a work in progress.
Sacred Heart of
Jesus,.. Have Mercy on us!
