Upon much personal prayer,
reflection and consultation with my Spiritual Director, it has become crystal
clear that the character of Optimusmastro needs to cease so that Marco can
truly be formed. Yes once again this
will be one of those self critical
examinations of myself that needs to be done.
When I rediscovered my Faith, I
was infused with Grace but sadly, I didn’t know what to do with it or how to
present it. The enemy however did! I was an angry young man. My Theology was pure head knowledge
and my vision of God back then was almost as if He (God) was an accountant,
tallying up my sins, and eager to send me to hell. By the Grace of God, my heart is starting to
develop. When I travel back to my blog,
to some vids, the way I used to present Jesus, I can hardly recognize that
guy. I was at best, arrogant and at
worst? Probably my own biggest fan. Simply put, my marketability was not centered
on Christ, but upon my own ego driven narcissism. Truly amazing what two years of daily Holy
Hour, daily Mass, weekly confession, daily Rosary and of course daily
Breviery can do. Alongside an incredible
Spiritual Director, …God has revealed things about myself, my temperament
that need to be purified.
Optimusmastro was a cartoon, a
simplistic ego driven amplification in a pro wrestling mindset. Instead of wrestling, I was beating people over the head with dogmas. The truth is that this character has been
eclipsed for quite some time and doesn’t need to come back. What was the final straw? Well, when a young teenager asks you with all
seriousness, ‘What does Jesus Save us from?’
Needless to say, fighting back tears was hard. Other issues from the past two years were
working with Café Trottoir, (Feeding homeless, drug addicts, ) and realizing
their proper humanity that they can love and be loved.
Meeting the ‘Solitude Myriam’ and Danielle Bourgeois, a woman viewed as
ultra Traditionalist, because she founded a community of divorced Catholics who
seek to continue to live out their vows.
All these are examples of mercy, an ongoing theme with Pope Francis.
I am a Catholic, a thomist
thinker, that will not change. I love
reverence in the Liturgy, and that will not change.
However a few weeks back when the Pope referenced seminaries forming
‘little monsters,’ I recognized that a few years back, I was a potential
‘little monster.’ Make no mistake about it, there is a time and place for apologetics, but today's society doesn't know Christ, and if they have a vague idea of Jesus, He is spoken in the same light as the Easter bunny or Santa Claus. The danger is
extremes. We cannot rely on a simplistic
Marxist approach complete with a laboratory experiment liturgy and at the same
time, we cannot present doctrine and morals to people who haven’t met the Risen
Christ. (I had a conversation about the Hypostatic Union to an atheist.) St Paul is a perfect example of
this, when he presents the Risen Christ to the Athenian people. The
world today accepts all ideologies except Catholicism.
Jesus is not presented to people, and often times the Gospel or mere mention of Christ can provoke
a negative/violent reaction. In the face of all
these issues, the urgent call to live the ‘Call to Holiness’ has to be applied
to myself, before I can go out and present Jesus. So from here on out, some Carmelite
Spirituality is gonna be added to my diet.
To pray, fast and sanctify myself.
Sanctify yourself, I was told, then you will be able to preach and sanctify others. As for the blog? It will always continue, and I guess this is
another step in the ongoing conversion. I
will talk about Jesus, prayer, fitness, MMA and Jiu Jitsu. (Not to mention Transformers!)
