Back From the Abyss...

First off, thank-you to everyone who kept me in their prayers during my 'desert' time, my life underwent some changes and consequently I needed to reassess my journey from both a faith perspective as well as a medical one. I needed time to recharge my batteries and spent several days at prayer and meditation undergoing a complete auto evaluation of my life up to this point. To summarize the Faith perspective involves a promise to God made about three years ago, regarding the 'call to holiness.' In short, I was discerning whether or not I would pursue the idea of priesthood. From a traditional standpoint, this vocation should be a part of every male Catholic's life journey at some point in his life or another. After concluding that this was not my vocation, it still did not change my 'call to holiness,' and subsequently what began as a spiritual acorn was now turning into a plant. Slowly parts of my lifestyle were beginning to change and I was getting labeled 'rigid' and 'reactionary' all the while trying to balance my family, friends and my girlfriend whom I'm sure it must have been painful for. The guy she met was dying and in his place was a rigid conservative would who was not afraid to tackle the most politically incorrect of situations from abortion to gay marriage, stem cells, you name it! During this time, a huge spiritual honor was bestowed upon me,..my cousin whom I consider a sister asked me to become Godfather of the most beautiful little girl in the world, her first born. Let's face it,.today's godparent looks upon his/her calling as a mere exercise in symbolism, baptism to appease grandma and grandpa. As I discerned whether or not to accept this responsibility, I would seek out Spiritual direction to determine whether or not I was able to do this. Again, another promise was made, that should I not be called to have kids of my own, I would,to the best of my ability try to show a strong Catholic masculine presence,.and as best I could try to live out this 'call.' (My Goddaughter will be marrying a good Catholic doctor who will also serve as a permanent Deacon at the local parish, anything else will not be tolerated!! lol!! Seriously, I can be intimidating,..scroll down and look at my picture!!!lol!!)

From a medical perspective, this has caused me to suffer a nervous breakdown. I no longer understand the world and people in it! As I kid, I was given the so-called blue print regarding what the world considers success, and to a certain degree, I achieved it by age twenty-five. Yes, I still live at home, but so what? I'm an only child with parents who love me, but are getting older, can drive a car the same way a chicken can fly and really don't understand technology or the internet!! (I have been called during the day in order to come back home and put on a DVD for them!) In the end, I ran out of gas, because there just wasn't enough of me to go around, and my usual secular 'outlets' for stress no longer appealed to me.

They say, that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle, well when your in the middle of that 'anything' you begin to question. Looking back however, I can see that through my own free will, I was making choices, (painful ones) which were for the greater 'good.' God, in His infinite wisdom knew I was about to mentally collapse and put in place a safeguard, a friend whom I met at my uncle's gym, came with me on some freelance work and has since my medical leave taken over everthing and two new ventures are starting out because of it. (this series of events reminded me of the poem 'Footprints.') The Gym became a therapeutic environment and on some days my poor uncle became my psychiatrist as I tried to piece together what the heck my 'calling' in life was/is.

For right now, all is well. Yes, I am medicated and will remain that way for quite some time. My immediate concern is my health and trying not to 'breakdown.' I balance my time between personal training, and slowly am easing my way back to SEO work and marketing. (BTW, just found an exciting new artist,..check this out, she is local talent!!!! hehehe! www.suelamusic.com ) I put up a link in the 'links' section...

To conclude, so many projects, so little time,...the life of an individual cursed with a type 'A' personality!! By the way, a few readers sent me some questions regarding this site and I think that now is as good a time as any to address certain things. All questions will be paraphrased!!!

1. Why the Ads on the site?

Although 'Confessions' is first and foremost a blog about seeing the world through the eyes of a Catholic man trying to live out his faith,.there is nothing wrong with moneytizing anything. Google provides the script and based upon my posts which are primarily socio-political or religious in tone will paste ads on the site accordingly. An adsense campaign is a great way to generate a passive income stream while blogging.

2. Are you a personal Trainer?

The short answer is yes!!! Some of my links and posts involve personal training and lifestyle design. Diets, resistance training as well as another contact can be reached though the links on the side of the page. The gym where I am based out of is called Prestige Fitness and is located in Montreal, Canada.

3. Are you the same guy who operates 'Prime Wrestling Montreal?'

I get this a lot. Yes, I am that guy. Pro wrestling has always been a passion of mine since childhood. I was an NWA guy,.Flair, the Horsemen, Road Warriors, Dusty Rhodes, you name it!

4. Who is Optimusmastro?

This question is my favorite. The answer is me!!! Well, an extention of my personality with the volume cranked up to 10!!! My quote from a facebook,.is a thomist thinker expressing himself with prowrestling edge. Being Catholic doesn't mean God takes away your manhood!!!!

Well,.that's all for now

Marco/Optimusmastro

St Peter and St Paul,........Ora pro nobis!