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Why me? My prayer reasonates, penetrates and stabs. At times, more often than not, I lie awake asking Jesus to take this cup from me, then I experience the morning prayer and all is good again. The truth is, I cannot envision my life as anything but priesthood, but at the same time, I ask myself, and my Lord,.'Why did you let me experience all that life has to offer?' Why can't I just be like the guy who couldn't catch a football or dodgeball? After all, they are the ones who are supposed to be priests! Myself? I was supposed to be married, with my 3.5 kids, coaching early morning hockey and Jiu Jitsu,.. until You called me Lord Jesus. Now, I find myself inside the Seminary and loving it, truly embracing where I'm supposed to be, (At least for now anyway,..) yet upset that I'm happy with that reality. I had it all,.money, girls, yet I was missing my smile?!?!..Other people have their smile! Are they going to hell? That's not for me to say Lord,..but why do I find myself thinking it so much? My smile lay in my vocational discerment,..and my smile gets bigger as time goes on,...
I finished my first session, and with the aid of an awesome Spiritual Director, (The Kyokushin Killer Fr Guy Guindon pss) and an awesome support staff, I am now addicted (if that's the right word to use,..?) to meditation and time with Our Lord, truly present in the most Blessed Sacrament. I now have that relationship with Jesus, where there are even times where I 'yell' at Him,..albeit spiritually,.. lol! Lord Jesus, Have Mercy on me, a sinner,...
St Jean Viannay,.................................................... Ora pro nobis!
1 comment:
Don't know how I happened onto this post; I was looking for updates on the SSPX/Vatican outcome. But, I read your post. Sounds like a perfectly NORMAL experience which one oftentimes must endure in true vocational discernment. Temptation to sadness, or even questioning one's choice, may also be brought on by the evil spirits;don't neglect sharing your situation with your confessor or director, as these priests are there to help you understand these ups and downs you experience. God's grace and abundant blessings be with you. Pray always; do not fear. A blessed 2013!
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